No Fly Zone

Well, here I am. A broken man, who isn't even sure if he knows up from down anymore.

Its not often that I admit I'm wrong, even if I am. Why? Because fuck them thats why. However in this case I may have seen the light. 

You see a few months ago my roommates and I were having a debate about something stupid. And even though these debates are not a rarity for us, I was hotter than the hottest of twitter takes. Some of my friends said that they unbuckled their belt, unbuttoned their pants, zipped down their fly AND THEN proceeded to drain the main vain. 

I thought these guys I had been living with were stage 5 wackjobs. Why would you take that much extra time to piss when you could just unzip the fly and poke through? There is only one word that can answer this question:

Freedom

Unbuttoning the pants provides a privilege, nay, a right to freedom. The very same freedom that this country was founded upon. So I urge you, if the setting is right, go for it. Unbutton. Because in Russia they are forced to go through the fly. Can you imagine living in Russia, I sure as fuck can't.

God Bless the USA