By Olivia Newton-John's hyman! Thanksgiving break is almost upon us once again, and for the final time in my college career. Its a beautiful time in the lives of most students where you go home have sex with that soft 6 from high school and drink with the dwindling group of your high school friends in one of their basements. Unless your me and went to an All boys high school, thus skipping that whole coitus business. However, there is that one day during break that truly matters. Thanksgiving is the Green Arrow of holidays, not quite as popular as Batman (Christmas) but just as awesome in its own right. Its a time to shit yourself in your seat after eating too much, watch all of the football, and drink beer that tastes like a basic bitch dressed in yoga pants and singing Beyonce. The most important part is the succulent food. Having a somewhat hispanic and italian background, I had a fairly unique thanksgiving dinner experience. In this blog though, I'm going to rank the best traditional thanksgiving dinner foods.
Overrated:
-Corn: If I wanted to shit yellow pebbles all night I'd move to Nebraska get the fuck out of my face with that.
-Turkey: Yupp, I fucking said it the turkey is overrated. Unless that majestic bird is smothered in gravy and deep fried its absolutely mediocre at best.
-Cranberry Sauce- You could freeze one of these and open up a Build-your-own-dildo shop, very similar to Build-a-bear if you ever heard of it.
The Good:
5. The stuffing: I feel like some people are iffy on stuffing, but I just have to say if its made right its fucking awesome. Toss some sweet sausage and maybe some bacon in there and I salivate from somewhere other than my shorts for the first time since I watched Man vs. Food.
4. Cornbread, Biscuits, dinner rolls: This varies for everyone but a warm piece of this buttered up is like the feeling of a warm embrace of a woman for the first time.
3. Turkey skin: Yes, yes, I said turkey was overrated, but the skin on the other-hand is just so unbelievably good. Its succulent and cooked to perfection, I want to drape it over myself like a buffalo Bill suit, but instead of it being fat girl skin its oven roasted turkey skin.
2. Mashed Potatoes: creamy and soaked in gravy if I could sleep in them forever I would.
1. Sweet Potato pie: Everyone has there favorite pie and mine so happens contain the unique ability to be had during dinner rather than desert. If you've ever had a mouthful of sweet potato pie mixed with a bit of turkey skin and mashed potatoes, than you know what Margo Robbie's vagina feels like trust me, I'm a doctor.
